He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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