I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
