why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
