im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
