I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize