And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
