Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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