Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
