she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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