I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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