I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you still have your period?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
