I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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