Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
