i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
