is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
