why didn't you poke me back
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
