Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
