Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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