His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
