she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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