she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize