i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
