He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
