O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
