They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
