The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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