I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
