remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
