The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
