I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
