Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
