Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
