just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So here I am, sexting at work.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
