Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
