Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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