I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize