Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We had to coat check the pizza.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize