And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
