It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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