Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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