does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
