My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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