I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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