I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
