They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
