So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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