he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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