Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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