you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
