he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
