I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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