A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
