i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
