He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize