but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
