im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
