1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize