I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
