No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
