Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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