Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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