I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
