Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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