then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
